MEMOIR

Sometimes, I feel I do not really remember anything. I do remember what the class is for tomorrow, or what our homework is. However, if you want me to tell you a memory, I need to think for a while. I need to think so hard about the blurry faces or the places, which should not be forgettable, but I did forget the name. After a while thinking, I find I do not really care about the faces, the names or the places. The particular feeling of a part of memory is what I care about, the feeling which can hit my head or heart suddenly, the feeling reminds me of a moment which makes the memory so precious for me.

“I want to be a fashion designer.”

This is how I tell everybody about my dream. I enjoy this sentence, and I am proud of these two words “fashion designer”. However, when you chase your dream, there are always so many tiny stones or even walls to stop you. They make you think, “Do I love what I do?” or “ Is this what I wanted?” and then you start to chase your dream again. It is impossible that you never questioned yourself, and I remembered that I have confused, cried, and lost.

I was 18 when I started my journey to be a fashion designer; it was a nice start because I got in London College of Fashion, which is one of the top fashion schools in London. I knew I was talented and I was so confident when I actually knew nothing about fashion design. At the final foundation fashion show, I did not want to face the real world, which is: in my class, some students had already known how to sew; some of them have bachelor’s degrees; some of them had been working for few years. Who knew nothing about making a garment? Only me.

I felt lost for few days. I did not know what to do and how to do. “Confused” could not even describe me in that time. I did not fall on my way by tiny stones, but I did stock for days, thousands of seconds. One morning, I did not know what I was thinking; I was walking without any thinking actually. I walked to tutor’s office. After I told her everything, even pieces of fragile feelings. I remembered the smiling on her face, very warm, and I remembered the sunshine on her left brown eye lashes, I saw her caring in the light brown eyeball.

Finally, after thousands hours of fighting with my works, the day came--fashion show day. That day, I realized why fashion industry is called as cut-throat business. There were so crowded and mess in the make-up room, everyone seemed brought all of their could be used make-up stuff. No one had time to look around others; they were focused on their own model with their own designed clothes. I thought got up at 6 am is early enough, apparently, looking at my classmate’s finished make up model on the chair, I realized I was so wrong. I rushed to a corner with my model who was one of my best friends, magic happened. My dress size became bigger with no reason. I stood in front of her with no words, actually I did not know how long the silence was, until I hard “I want to be gorgeous on your show, with your dress, so I took lost-weight pills these days.” That was moving, that made me almost cry. “Calm down.” is the only word in my head in that minute. This was not expected to happen. I did not count how many people I been asked if they had pins with them, at least 15 I guess. Either they did not have them or they need them and not even one pin could be free for me. In the end, I got my pins from writing center. You could not blame others did not help you, you could only blame yourself did not prepare well for such a very important show.

At the backstage, I just remembered people rushed around, busy to handle every detail for their show. I remembered two kind make up students helped me a lot for my show; I remembered the teacher came by for the final check and told me to redo the dress tail edge part at the last half hour; I remember my model was so nervous that she fell on the stage when the rehearsal.

By which I mean “remembered” is I remembered those parts as the images flooding in my mind really quick, but for the memory of my model finally walking on the official stage to show my first garment in my life, I remembered every, little, pieces of details of the images in my head. I remembered she was the third one to walk out from the backstage. At the first second she stood on the stage, I knew everything was worth. It is hard to describe that moment; I could feel that was the most excited moment in my 18 years. The exciting moment was not like a moment, which I wanted to scream, It was a moment that I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. I could feel my heart pounded hard and my hands did not have temperature. I did feel nervous too, very nervous. The closest word to tell that moment, I guess I would still say, I was so excited. I did not notice I had seen so much in my eyes that moment, but now the images are all in my mind. I saw lots of cameras were held to capture every move of my model; I saw the spotlight and flashes on her was so shinny that reflected my eyes a little bit sensitive with water; I saw the black top shaped my model as a queen, and the dress flew with the rhythm that she walked; I saw my model pursed her lips tight, I knew she was nervous but she made the moment gorgeous. Also, I heard something. I heard my tutor on the front row said “amazing” twice, which I still could not believe If I did not re- listened the record of that 2 minutes at least 5 times; I heard the applause was so loud that made me awake from the moment.

The first thing I did after the show is run to my model and give her a big hug. She made an unforgettable moment in my life. At that time, I suddenly realized what made the moment excited-be grateful. Be thankful for life that it did not give us everything, but it gave you talent to push you to learn more; be thankful for people who helped you when you lost, but if they did not, that is normal; be thankful for people who make your life shinny which you did not expect to happen. We can not deny that there will be so many glory moments in our life, but instead of remembering it, learning from that moment is much more important.